Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
