I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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