I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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