Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
