So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
