so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
