Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
