you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
