Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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