I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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