i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
