My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
