her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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