It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
