You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
