did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
