we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
