When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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