All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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