my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
