T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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