SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
