I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
