I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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