So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
