I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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