drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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