sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
