True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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