Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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