I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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