worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
