Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
