ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
