Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
