went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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