i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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