I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I understand Curling. That high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
