"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
