So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
