there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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