my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
