SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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