..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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