i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
