the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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