There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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