it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
