I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
