Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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