Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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