shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
